You know I agree in creating boundaries and expecting respectful treatment. I just think that the missing element in all these “my way or the highway” parenting books and articles (which I agree are spun by the media) is a respect for our children’s emotions.

Clearly, there’s something wrong if kids with all that media can’t entertain themselves. But there’s also something wrong if a child feels he can’t speak up when he has to go to the bathroom because his father would view it as disrespecting his boundaries. Or ruining his plan to reach Virginia by lunchtime.

Your parents did a great job, and your book is a great read indeed.

My favorite part of the story was when the French mom was on the phone. She didn’t scream at her kids or beg them to stop interrupting (as I’ve heard *many* of my friends do), and she didn’t try to ignore them. She took two seconds to calmly explain what she expected. I do think this approach works — perhaps not all of the time or with every single child on the planet but more often than not.

For me, it’s not about who is the superior parent, but what techniques get everyone what they want — attention, a little freedom and a little bit of time alone.

Laura

I’ve not read that article/excerpt yet (it’s on my growing list of stuff to check out!). But as you might know I wrote about French mamans a couple weeks ago on my blog:

http://bit.ly/A3LHU3

I agree with you that (a) we have to prepare our children to leave us (a major theme of my book); and (b) we’re all way to judge-y of ourselves as well as other mothers, which is what, I think, leads to the guilt that we’re not doing it “right.”

But I disagree that expecting respectful treatment from your children, or maintaining boundaries (such as sending kids up to bed at night so you can be YOU for a little while) are not detrimental to kids if done right, nor do they run counter to the (a) and (b) above.

You quote a guy who says his kids are bored on long car trips, whereas it wouldn’t have occurred to him to tell his parents he was bored. I had it like that, too. But I was not terrified of my dad! Far from it — he was a loving, warm, nurturing father (in fact,he’s my biggest fan). But he maintained boundaries and expected respect. And he (and of course my mother) prepared me for adulthood by design and by example (did a good job, don’t you agree?!)

Parents like mine just plain old didn’t worry about what other parents were doing. It wasn’t in the zeitgeist, it wasn’t on their radar.

(I also don’t happen to think that either Amy Chua, or perhaps this other writer, are saying they are “superior.” I happen to think that’s the way the media’s framing it, and the way we, vulnerable as we are to parenting guilt, are taking it. IMHO, as always!)

Denise

I find it ridiculous when people generalize cultures and parenting techniques and claim superiority. One country is not better than another country when it comes to parenting. It’s down to individual families to show love to their children. If all children just felt loved, we’d all be better off.