Mother’s Day Status Updates You Secretly Wished For

baby surpriseYesterday, your social media feeds were likely filled with pictures of homemade cards, flower bouquets, and huggy-kissy mother-and-child reunions. Everyone was so #blessed and #loved and #fullofit, because you know they posted only the most hashtag-worthy moments of a day that likely ended in a. cleaning up like every other night of the year and/or b. wrangling a sugar-induced meltdown worthy of being filmed by a “Cops” camera crew.

So before the Father’s Day commercials start in regular rotation, let’s share the Mother’s Day status update you secretly wished for:

Sharing a special day with my mom and mother-in-law. Hoping the outcome will be more Tyson-Holyfield than Mayweather-Pacquaio.

Spent a half-hour explaining to my mom how to find “The Google” on her iPhone while my sister finished off the last of the potato salad and beer.

#Blessed by my wonderful family, who left me at home, on the couch with a bag of chips, the cat, and six glorious seasons of Don Draper on Netflix. Love you!

Hip-checked some college kid into a mulch pile and snagged the last potted plant at Lowe’s! Scoooooore!

Spending a lovely Mother’s Day with my favorite boys!
Ben & Jerry and Jack Daniels.

This gorgeous, “spontaneous” photo of my kids and me reading together in a hammock surrounded by matching pillows took two hours plus three bribes per kid to set up. Planning Disney trip now.

My wife is the #bestmom ever!

Set my mom’s iPhone ringtone to Kanye’s “Bound 2″: “How you gon’ be mad on vacation?”
Uh huh, honey.

Managed to eat some corn and a bite of burger using both hands before the baby’s colic started back up again! #everyoneliedaboutmotherhood

My family gave me flowers to thank me for taking care of them. So, pretty much they said, “Thanks! To show our appreciation, here’s something else to take care of.”

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