- I used to call it Chuck E. Sneezes, because, without fail, one or all three of us would contract some sort of upper respiratory virus within 48 hours of visiting your facilities.
- Disney can serve crappy pizza because they make up for it with the croissants in “France” and Splash Mountain. You have no excuse.
- A good day at Chuck E. Cheese is when I didn’t have to cram myself into the Habitrail tubes that hang from the ceilings to extract a hysterical child.
- The ball pit. You got rid of that germ incubator in the 00’s, right?
- If you’re going to have animatronics singing every 5 minutes, kindly serve beer and wine to those 21 and over.
- Momma would like a wall-sized, multiple-player game of Bejeweled. Thank you.
- Dudes, winter. Any idea what it’s like to be trapped indoors with cranky kids on winter weekdays? I do. Give me a frequent flyer card, a tub of wipes, and a place where I can sit for 15 minutes at a time without having to move (See above: Habitrail), and I’m yours.
- Starbucks. There’s one in Target and on every block in the free world, so why not one over there next to the entrance to the Habitrail?
- For parents trapped inside one of multiple simultaneous Chuck E. Cheese birthday parties on an otherwise gorgeous Saturday afternoon, it feels like this:
January 17, 2014