Small Balls, Better Dads

Looking for a man to father your children? I hope he has small balls.

I blame back-to-school for my missing this one last week, but a new study has found that men with smaller testes are generally more nurturing fathers.

Reports The Guardian,

Researchers found that men with smaller testes were more likely to take charge of children’s bath-time, visits to the doctor, night-time comforting, and other parenting jobs than others who have larger testicles.

That’s right: If you want a partner who helps with the daily kid care, Jon Hamm may not be your man. At least, depending on how you read this strange study.

Apparently, anthropologists at Emory University wondered why some fathers put more energy into parenting than others, and somehow wound up measuring testicles as they relate to diaper changing. I dunno. The explanation is at eScience Commons.

But big-balled boys shouldn’t worry. One of the study’s researchers said, “It could also be that when men become more involved as caregivers, their testes shrink. Environmental influences can change biology. We know, for instance, that testosterone levels go down when men become involved fathers.”

Oh sweet justice. It’s been long lamented by mothers that breastfeeding can shrink your boobs and make them look like deflating balloons. Now it appears that fatherhood may shrink testicles. Proof that God is a woman? You decide.

Luckily, the study’s researchers have pointed out that a man’s fatherhood aptitude is predicated on many more things besides what’s in his undies. In other words, whether or not your man will be a good dad shouldn’t be determined by the results of a study of 70 men who got paid to have their balls measured.