22 responses to “PARENTING TOGETHER APART: When Your Ex Has a New Significant Other”

  1. Sad man

    So me and the mother of my son have been separated about 3 years. Our son is now 5 years old. A few months after we separated she got married to a gang member In prison. It didn’t bug me that much because by the time he gets out my son will be in his teens. But my son recently told me that there’s been someone else going over and sleeping in the same bed as his mom. And that she tells him to go to bed early when she goes to places that he’s not allowed to go to. Unfortunately she has legal custody of him. Idk if I should or could do anything about it. When I ask her about it she curses at me and tells me to get over her and not to worry about it. I honestly just want what’s best for my son. idk what to do anymore. I would never do that to my son or her, no matter how much she’s disrespected me. I’m tired of feeling like this. I loved her so much

  2. Paula

    My boyfriend and his ex have been divorced for 7 years. She has lived with the guy she cheated with the entire time. We have dated for 18 months and moved in together 4 months ago. She texts him all day every day. Yes, they have 3 children ages 13, 15, & 18. Recently she has been dropping by our house and comes to the door expecting to be invited in. She comes up with strange reasons each and every time. The kids might be at our house or with her when this happens. Is this normal? What can I do about it?

  3. Linda

    I have been separated from my ex for 5 years and we have a 9 year old daughter. She is still very bitter won’t talk to me I tried to email she never answers I tried to text she never answers she’s gotten remarried so we both have moved on what can I do to try to get along with her for our daughter.

  4. jason

    my babies mom is the custodial parent,we have joint physical and leagal custody.her new b.f is a sex offender.do I have any say about him living with my child?

  5. Jack

    My sister-in-law pulled some of the worst crap I have ever seen. My brother and her did a trial separation. The understanding was that he would move out (which he did) and she and the kids would remain in the house. That is the way it started out, anyway. Two weeks into the separation, she met a man. Now, neither her nor my brother were to do any dating (at that point) whatsoever, seeing as how no divorce proceedings had begun. They had not even filed for legal separation. They were in fact, still married. But, she got romantically involved with another man anyway. Then, she takes the kids and MOVES IN WITH HIM!! To make matters worse, right from the start, she was leaving them alone with this total stranger!! Everybody confronted her about this, even her own family. She said that she felt that she had every right to shack up with whoever she wanted to and she could leave her kids with anyone she wished. She had even designated this stranger to drop off and pick up the kids to where my brother was staying during the separation. That is NOT something she had the legal right to do even if they were divorced and a custody arrangement had been worked out. Even after a divorce, a biological parent has to be present for custody exchanges. They can NOT allocate that to someone else, that is STUPID and highly illegal. But here she was doing it while she was still married! But, I have come to learn that NOTHING that that lustful, man hungry person does surprises me anymore. Fortunately, that did not last long. A court order was obtained prohibiting her new man from living under the same roof with the children while she was still legally married. That prompted them to work something else out. My brother moved back in after a few weeks and they are more or less just going to stay together for the kids. They will revisit the divorce issue years down the road when the children are much older. But, it just goes to show that people, by and large, don’t give a rip about their children. Their own happiness is ALWAYS put above what is best for their children. I am just blown away at how people (men and women alike) will just hand their kids off to complete strangers, just because that stranger satisfied them in bed. UNREAL.

  6. Janice

    My Ex and I broke up a month and a half ago, He is already in a new relationship with someone, Right now he has temporary custody of our child because of False accusations he has made towards me there is a GAL involved right now. My ex shares a room with our 1 year old. This girl has already been involved with my son. It makes me uncomfortable. Is this something I should bring up to the GAL?

  7. Essie

    I have a question. My Ex and I have been divorced almost a year ago. Weird situation. The night we told the kids we were getting a divorce he signed up on match.com and found a girlfriend. Our divorce was made simple as I really didn’t want anything but shared custody of our children and a portion of the sales of the home if sold or refinanced. I let him keep the house and I moved very close to be in the kids lives everyday. They are 11-19. I just found out today (after discussing with him about boundaries with his GF being in the house over night or moving in- asked not to do unless they were married) that she is going to be moving into the house. He is moving my son out of his room to a game room so her daughter will have a room. I talked to him about this and he thinks I am over reacting. I can’t believe he thinks that. I told him if he lived alone in the house I didn’t care if she moved in but since OUR kids live there I would prefer he not let her move in unless they are married. He basically said what I thought doesn’t count. Any opinions?

    1. DogLover

      Sorry but it really isn’t up to you to dictate how your ex partner lives. Unless his new partner is abusive to your kids, or there is some kind of welfare concern it really is nothing to do with you.

      I know it is hard because you feel your way is the way bit should be, but he is an adult – he has the right to do what he likes. It is his life and you two are no longer together and he no longer has to compromise with you. His choices are up to him.

      Bitter pill to swallow but he is going to do what he wants regardless of your feelings.

      You are over reacting.

  8. KIMBERLY A Williams

    Hi trying to be anonymous, geuss I would be the sig other, bf has doughter I have doughter mother has other kids. bf doughter in home 15 going on 16. My Lil girl is 2 -3 trying to be friendly n polite always a nice person anything if I got u can have kinda person ,new mom, been Ruff met him at festival talked over a ur decide to move in??? Ruff beginning ,bf mother,n bf doughter tag team kinda stuff I geuss doing best to ignore all drama, but yet still being friendly, was told to be mean then she’ll leave background checks etc what’s next is my qeution bf n I get along great,but would like to be happy n not feal like I need to look over my shoulders for backstabbing (exampl). Well any thought or help be great, but feel better talking it out ben thinking I should meat grandma but not my place not shure, but hanging in there like bull ridden lol

    Have a great day chi. Up

  9. Eric Freeman

    I had a problem with my girlfriend six months ago,which lead us apart. When she broke up with me,I was no longer myself,I fill so empty inside.And i dont know what to do,I feel my life has come to an end because she was my first love.I went for counselling and advice online and i saw so many good comment about a spell caster on how he help them to solve their relationship and marriage issues.I email the spell caster on the email which was provided in the comments (relationshipspell@gmail. com) and I explain my problem to him and I did what he asked me, to briefly make the long story short, Before I knew what happened,after 48 hours,my girlfriend gave me a call and she came back to me and told me she was sorry about what happen and beg for forgiveness, I’m so grateful to these spell caster and i will not stop publishing his name on the internet just for the good work he did for me.If you need his help,you can email him at RELATIONSHIPSPELL@GMAIL .COM his website: http://relationshipspellhelp.webs. com I will forever be grateful to him.He is the perfect solution to relationship and marriage issues.

  10. shannon

    I am going through a divorce we have already had a temporary hearing. And in that hearing he gave permission for my kids and I to be able to live with my now boyfriend of 6 months. Nothing was ever said about him and his girlfriend of 6 months . since the girlfriend has come in the picture she has done nothing but slander me on social media. She has done it so much it really makes me wonder if she is saying anything in front of my kids. She trys to make herself involved in mine and my ex husband divorce way more then she should. We get along face to face but I am tired of her being so horrible on social media and thinking she can butt into this divorce and have rights to my kids when their dad isn’t around. Is there anything I can do to stop all the social slandering

  11. Rebekah

    I have a question: My ex-husband has recently introduced his new girlfriend to my two boys, ages 8 and 11 in May of 2015. I recently found out that she is also sleeping with my boys with their Dad. I confronted both my EX and his new girlfriend about this. This goes against everything I have taught my children about boundaries and their bodies. And it just feels wrong…..She is just getting to know them (not that it would be okay at any point in time, in my opinion). I have asked my EX to meet this woman. She spends a lot of time with my boys and have NEVER met her face to face. I have always been a very protective mom. My children are not allowed around people I don’t know. I have never even had them in daycare. What is the protocol on this? WHat is the norm? I am at a loss and frustrated as well that I am being denied even the right to meet someone who is around my children so much. HELP!

  12. Monika

    I have a question in regards to my situation which is a little different and a whole lot more serious:

    My ex-husband and I have joint custody over our 6 year old daughter. I am the primary caregiver and he is the access parent (gets her every second weekend). He dated a girl for three years, a grade 2 teacher, and I was for the most part was good with her…until things took a complete turn. By the end of their relationship my daughter started calling her mom and they allowed for it. Now they are no longer together (more than a year) and he has a new girlfriend but has remained friends with his ex. He has on a few occasions let my daughter spend one-on-one time with this woman and allowed her to take her to family functions, alone. As you could imagine, when I found out about this I was completely mortified and furious. This woman is no longer anyone significant in his life, therefore keeping her ties with my daughter is plain wrong and confusing for my little girl. I have to talked to my lawyer about this and she advised me to just make it clear to the two of them that I do not allow for her to spend any one-on-one time with her. If he wants the 3 of them to hang out, I can’t really control that so in those scenarios I do have to let it go.

    Since then (after I have clearly stated to the both of them, what I do and don’t allow for as her primary caregiver) I have heard of this woman picking my daughter up and dropping her off (as though she is my ex’s taxi) and now today (Thanksgiving Long Weekend) I found out from some friends who were at his house last night, that my daughter is going for Thanksgiving Dinner to this girls parents house, alone. I don’t want my friends to look like tattle-tails so I am trying to approach this by asking him if I could have her for Thanksgiving dinner, and see if I can get an answer from either him or my daughter. If I don’t, I will have to wait for my daughter to be back with me and I will find out myself at that point. What kind of father, instead of spending time with his daughter gives her to his ex-girlfriend for Thanksgiving, when I as her mother would more than want her with my family!?

    Next week I am meeting with my lawyer to discuss some order order changes, but I am wondering if there is a possibility of get a restraining order on this woman? She is using my 6 year old as her own daughter puppet and still letting her call her mom! What I have read regarding restraining order’s is that for the most part violence is the major reason for putting them in place, but I am wondering if there is anything else that I may be able to do to get this woman out of our life, but more importantly out of my daughters life?

    PS: My ex-husband is a immature 34 year old. I have tried every possible way to approach him about this and my reasons for why I see (and everyone I know, sees) that this is wrong. He however does not feel the same way and continues to do things behind my back.

    Your feedback and comments would be much appreciated.

    Thanks again,

    1. Jack

      I know I am replying LONG after the original comment, so I hope you see this, Monika. You most certainly CAN get this woman away from your daughter. She has ZERO reason to be in your daughter’s life, as she isn’t even involved with your ex-husband anymore. You have a say in who she is with, and your ex can jump up and down and scream in defense of his ex-girlfriend, but the fact is, he will not be able to come up with a justifiable enough reason to allow this to continue. At the very least, you can halt the one-on-one time they spend together. And once that is stopped, she will just fade out of the picture altogether in time. As you mentioned, the three of them (your ex, her, and your daughter) could all hang out together, however, those opportunities would be so few and far between that all involved would lose interest eventually. But, you must get the one-on-one time stopped first. And you CAN do it!! Plain and simple, people are just low down and sorry these day. It makes me sick!! First, there are the parents (like your ex-husband) who will just stupidly hand over their own flesh and blood to strangers without thinking about it. Then there are people like his ex-girlfriend who have ZERO reservations about taking over someone else’s child’s life. They must be stopped.

  13. kim

    After just 6 months, my ex found a girlfriend one weekend. I found out she was still married (but getting divorced), was 14 years younger than him (us) and moving back “home” right into his place. So for only have met this person twice and to have her move in and introduce them into my kids’ lives already…. I’m having a huge issue with this. As much as I want him to be happy as we both were not for some time, I want to scratch her eyes out every time I see her. With our kids involved and wanting whats best for my kids, I KNOW I need to get along with this new girlfriend as deep down I have a feeling this will last unlike how everyone tells me it won’t. How do I get over just being divorced not even a year, him “knowing” this girl for 1 month (if that), my kids getting involved already with his “love” and me trying to like this girlfriend? I keep thinking it would be different if she was more our age and if he went about it a better way but I’m pretty sure none of that would matter.

  14. rach

    Recently come into an awkward situation. My partner’s ex has turned up with a baby its his, we have been together over 8 months now and live together. She does want him back and now is been told thats not happening she’s making things awkward with access now denying him access unless he goes to her house….. any recommendations how i can deal with this? I want to be supportive but i don’t deny i’m finding it hard, i’ve offered to meet her so in the future when i eventually meet her son she knows who her son is interacting with but she says no. Please help

  15. Anthony

    So I am a young father (22) of my 5 year old baby girl. Me and her mother dated in high school, broke up from too many arguments and not feeling or each other, then 4 months later she told me she was pregnant. Of course we got back together. This was my child and I wanted to give her a full family. Me and her mother forced a relationship for 2 years. She was crazy, ghetto, violent and disrespectful. Ex. She would always try to physically fight me. Punch me in the face, knee me, kick me, and busted my back teeth out while I was sleeping. I’m Pacific Islander so I am too peaceful to deal with her crazyness. Her family is extremely ghetto, always involved in weed, fights or dirtiness. Her brother was in jail for 10+ years for stabbing someone. Her moms on prescription drugs and I just couldn’t take the unhappiness anymore. I met and fell deeply in love with the most caring and thoughtful woman. We became good friends as I was depressed in my situation. She helped me and gave me confidence to move out and be happy. We needed up falling in love and been together for 4 years now. My daughter started calling her mommy on her own. She asked her why, and my daughter said “you brush my hair, feed me, read to me, play with me, talk to me, give me baths and love me.” My gf then politely says ” but you have a mommy”. My daughter says “I can have two mommies”. I appreciate my gf questioning my daughter to make sure she knows why she decided to call her mommy. We chose to have her at least say mommy yien. Yien is mom in my language. This way she can distinguish and respect the difference in my gf and her biological mom. However the first two years were very rough for my gf. Baby momma drama to the extremely. My gf is from a very proper, well established family. So she was blind sighted when she was jumped by my ex and her older sister and her older sisters bf. Her car was keyed and her name was slandered. My ex even went to the cops after jumping my gf and said I had beaten her(ex) and my daughter. A temporary restraining order was granted until court date. I went 4 months without seeing or talking to my daughter. 3 at the time. And we are very close. Since she was born I took care of her. Her mother didn’t want to breast feed, change, bath, or put her to sleep. I happily did everything.
    Thanks to this misfortune altercations. I received joint custody and a warning was given to her mother that if she acts unfairly/unjust one more time, I will get full immediate custody. (At the time I didn’t not want my child to loose her mother from me taking her away)
    When I finally got my daughter back, she hated me. She wouldn’t come near me and would just stair at me. As if I left her. After time she finally came up to me and said “daddy, mommy said you didn’t want to see me. She says bad things about you and it makes me sad.” In child talk of course.
    Fast forward to my situations now. Since then the mother had kept her distance from my gf. She calmed down when she got a bf. I do not mind at all as long as he is respectful and dedicated to my daughter. We just found out my ex is pregnant, she barely knew him for less than a year. I don’t know who he is. He never shows up to any of my daughters events (preschool first day, graduation, musicals, or soccer games) yet the mother says she calls him dad and he’s theatens me with his role. The fact that she’s pregnant a worries me. She does not drive, have a licens, can keep a job. I’m scared she can’t financially take care of a new born and my daughter. This bf was in jail freshman year for reasons I don’t know. He lives in a house full of room mates. And she tried to make him fight me by telling him I’m harassing her. I don’t even text her. I try to avoid her as much as possible. However my ex refuses to answer the following question:
    Do you have a job? Does he have a job? Where? Who watches my daughter while your at work? Will you be moving in with him since your pregnant? Will you get your license so you can be ready for emergencies? If you move on with him, where is he living? Does he have room mates? Will my daughter have her own room? I don’t want her living with strangers especially men. Why was your bf in jail?

    What do I do!?

  16. Elizabeth Sestora

    My husband had taken up with another woman. I knew she had cast a spell on him, and he was helpless to do anything about it.He would call me once or twice a week and tell me he still loved me, but that would be it and he wouldn’t do anything about it.So I was desperate and called upon you to help me.d.rrivers I had never done anything like this in my life, and I was so embarrassed I didn’t tell anyone – not even my closest friend — that I had a spell cast in my behalf.After the spell was cast, I thought his attitude was softening. He started to talk negative about her, and I was starting to feel a strength welling up in me. So instead of begging him to come back I was more calm, even aloof. And this change in my attitude was definitely having an effect on him.I was kind of turning the tables on him, saying I was getting used to living without him. I could tell by his tone of voice he didn’t want to hear that.After a while, he admitted he had made a mistake and asked if he could come back home.thank you d,rrivers for freeing him from that hex and making him come to his senses. Our family is intact again and I will be forever grateful to you.

  17. Rick

    My ex and I have been seperated for 6 months. We have joint custody. His mother does not have her own place and rents a room from her friend. She invites her new boy friend to sleep over. My son has informed me that he has spent the night in the same bed as him ( hes says more than once, she tells me it was just once). I told her this was not ok and she went out and bought him a bunk bed that is still within the same room. He doesn’t have his own room at her place. Now i have found a video on my sons tablet of him jumping on the bed naked while the new boyfriend is in the room and instead of leaving he remains in the room watching. This bugs me to my very core and i don’t know what to do. With me, my son has his own room and it is just the two of us living there. Am i over reacting or is this something that shouldn’t happen, espically within less than a year of us seperating? Please note this is not jealousy as it was a mutual break up and we have both moved on. I feel she is forcing a relationship on to my son who is now 5 years old, and he has told me he thinks it is weird for him to be in the room while he is sleeping/naked. Please help! I dont know what to do!

    1. Virginia

      You are not over reacting at all. She is definitely not putting your son first. I would get the courts involved if that were going on with my children. Good luck!!

  18. Lisa

    What if the mother/father is coaching the child to call the significant other mommy/daddy? The child is 2 1/2! I feel very strongly about this and it breaks my heart! I believe a child has 1 mother & 1 father but if your child decides to call the significant other mommy/daddy it is ok but should not be coached!! I think that it is very confusing for a child to be told to call a stranger mommy/daddy and it is NOT ok!!! Respect your child first of all n for the childs sake respect your ex! It is what is the best interest of the child and that is all that matters!!!!

  19. jim

    Good advice! I know that meeting my ex’s BF for the first time was challenging – particularly because he felt as if he needed to threaten me because of stories my ex had told him (which were, at best, loosely grounded in reality). Yet, I also knew that for my kids’ sake I had to make the best of the situation since this person was in their life whether I liked it or not (decidedly not). While we will never be friends, we have managed to reach a point where we can be friendly for the kids. And that is the bottom line when going through any divorce or subsequent life event.

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