You don’t have to let summer break break you (again, this year). All you need is some patience, a sense of humor, and an advent calendar filled with chocolates counting down to the first day of school in the fall. (Or those little whisky bottles.) Here’s how to survive your kids’ summer break:
- By the last day of school, you will receive enough papers to fill a congressional healthcare bill. Now is a great time to teach the virtues of recycling.
- The jumbo box of ice pops you bought at Costco will be all but one by July 5th. Then your kids will fight over the orange ones no one wanted in June. Hide a few blue ones in an empty veggie burger box, and then pull them out to thwart a mid summer cold war.
- See those swim diapers? Buy them now or else you’ll be wrestling another mom for the (wrong size, wrong gender) last box at Target in August.
- Solve for y: Four teenagers x two hours of basketball + an hour of xBox = y minutes to empty your pantry. (Answer: y=before you can blink again.) Charge admission to your kitchen to anyone under 20 whose diapers you never changed.
- You know that fake blood left over from Halloween? Yeah? Well, you know those water pistols in the garage? Guess what… Better hose down the crime scene before the neighbors call the cops.
- Start an “I’m bored” pool with your friends. Whenever the first kid in the neighborhood utters the first “I’m bored,” the person who chose that day in the pool gets money for wine. (Take 22 days after school lets out. Trust me.) Share, share, that’s fair!
- The thunderstorm is the snow day of the summer. Remember: “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang” is a glorious 144 minutes-long. And for the older kids, there are five seasons of “The Twilight Zone” and an entire new season of “Arrested Development” on Netflix right now.
- You can throw the kids off by leaving the fan and light on in the bathroom you aren’t currently using, buying yourself at least five extra minutes of peace while they talk to you through the wrong bathroom door.
- When school starts, and the homework comes in, and you can’t find two soccer socks that match, and you have to find an empty shoe box for a diorama but you have no new shoes, and you managed to volunteer to make 100 cupcakes for school, remember the “I’m bored” pool.