Last week, I needed to find an article I’d written for Parenting magazine some time ago, so I started to Google myself. I typed in Jen Singer, and soon, Google did its Auto Suggestion magic, offering up the most popular search terms that generally follow. And this is what I got:
Jen Singer
- divorce
- cancer
For a second, I thought it was a list of the top stressors people encounter. Then I realized that “death,” “taxes” and “Facebook” weren’t on the list, so it couldn’t be that. And then it hit me: people are Googling my divorce.
So I did what anybody else would do in such a situation: I called friends in various parts of the country and asked them to Google my name. They all got similar results. Some fellow bloggers got:
Jen Singer
- divorce
- portland
That made me feel sorry for the Jen Singer who is a Realtor in Portland, because people must think she’s divorcing. Or divorcing Twitter. Or something.
But after a decade of blogging, authoring, writing and being interviewed, I know that most of the “Jen Singer” Google search results bring me up. While that’s the result of a lot of hard work, it brings with it some side effects, such as people Googling my divorce.
Normally, this would be — and should be — a private matter, but I am a blogger. In fact, I blogged from my bed on the oncology floor at New York Hospital, so no wonder people assume I’d blog about this, too. So it makes me wonder: If I don’t address my divorce, am I being, dare I say, inauthentic?
I searched for a handbook called: “How to Handle Your Divorce: A Guidebook for the Sort of Famous,” but I found nothing. So I decided to tackle the situation the only way I know how: By winging it. I’m simply going to follow my gut.
So if you’re Googling my divorce, or even if you aren’t, here’s what you need to know: I am getting a divorce. It’s a private matter for my family, yada, yada, yada, (except for the part where people bother to Google it), and there are other people involved, namely my husband and my children, and I don’t want to hurt them.
Know this: I am okay and my kids are okay. I can’t really say much else, except thanks for your concern. It means a lot to me.
Also: I have never been to Portland.
So sorry to hear this, Jen. While the Internet makes so many things easier, I’m willing to bet it makes an equal amount of things harder.
Clearly your next book project needs to be the creation of “How to Handle Your Divorce: A Guidebook for the Sort of Famous” so I hope you’re keeping notes.
And though the only Portland I’ve been to is the one in Maine, I say visit it. It’s beautiful.
Clearly, a handbook would make it all so much easier! Looks like you’re having a good summer. I was thinking of you the other day. Hoping our paths cross again!
Well that just sucks. 2 cents aren’t much these days, but I say you can be authentic without divulging every detail of your personal life. Some things are nobody’s business.
On the other hand, there’s a book opportunity that just laid itself out there for you, should you choose to go in that direction.
I’m sorry that you even had to write this, but I appreciate how authentically and openly you live your life.
I agree, I see a book or at least an article about this in your future. While you don’t need to get into the details I think it could be informative for anyone struggling with how to deal with nosy people in real life and online.
I’m glad everyone is ok-sending you much love.
I would just like to hope that it means that you have a lot of people who care about you and wanted to know you are doing OK
But yes… a new book idea, maybe not about the divorce, but about nosy people!
I live in Portland, so I came here thinking “does Jen have some big connection to my town I don’t know about?” And instead, this news. I wish you well during this chapter of your family’s life. Privacy and boundaries are yours to define…not sharing isn’t the same thing as being “inauthentic.” (I have to remind myself about that as well.)
Handled beautifully, Jen. Like others have said, I am sorry that this was a post that you had to write, but as a person who has had to tell the same story too often, it’s probably better to say it once and have it out there…and end there. Hugs through this time. I’m sure it’s not easy.
I hate it that you felt you needed to write this post, BUT…I think that you should write that book – How to Handle Divorce on Social Media when you’re kind of famous.
Hugs!
Jen,
I appreciate you posting because there’s an underlying lesson to be learned from this for all of us who blog. We have to really watch what we say [type]. Google is a powerful thing and anyone can find what they need about you. You are going through something painful AND personal, and I wish you well during this troubling time. I’m sorry you have to also feel like people are in your business when they shouldn’t be.
You haven’t been to Portland????? Good lord. I’m so disappointed.
So sorry you’re having to deal with this at all, Jen. At least you know you’re not alone. I mean, if you’re being Googled…