Who Needs a Ginormous Googly Ball? We Do!

The other night, I came frighteningly close to asking a teenaged clerk at the supermarket, “Where are your loose nuts?” It made for a fun story to tell my two middle school boys later, right after I asked them how come the soccer players on their FIFA ’11 soccer video game cover their privates when they are cartoons.

In my house o’ boys, a good joke about balls goes a long way. Which brings me back to that supermarket where, after giving up on finding any nuts whatsoever, I found this:

I could take the easy route and make a joke about big balls, but really, I felt it would be my public service to supermarkets throughout the U.S. of A. to advise, as a mother who is likely their target market for such an item, what is wrong with this picture:

1. Ten bucks for a piece of Chinese plastic that probably costs upwards of 69 cents to produce and maybe another dollar to tag a ride across the ocean with some Zhu Zhu Pets? Really? C’mon.
2. It’s entirely too expensive and big for a “Here, you can have this if you’ll just behave until we make it through the frozen pea aisle.”
3. Great idea for a goody bag present…I picture handing them out with glee to parting birthday party guests and letting all the other parents have things thrown at their heads for a change. But at $9.99, I’d have to invite just 2 1/2 kids to pull it off.
4. Not bad for an Easter basket present, but if you’re going to create a most excellent name like “Ginormous Googly Ball,” it needs to somehow be emblazoned across it in large letters. (Also, I’d like to have been in on that creative meeting. “So, what’ should we call these ginormous googly balls?”)
5. Does it dust? I’d buy it if it would pick up dust while skidding across my living room floor. Can you make it out of Swiffer material?
6. If it doesn’t glow-in-the-dark or play a Justin Bieber song, you really have to knock off 3 bucks.
7. You’re selling big balls. Tee hee.