Boys will be boys.
The book title caught my eye as I raced past it in the bookstore: “Act Like a Lady. Think Like a Man.”
So, I should think about cheeseburgers and sex?
Ba-duh-dum. Thank you! I’m here all week.
Since when do women act better and men think better? Since nobody wrote “Act Like a Man. Think Like a Lady,” I suppose. But that book probably wouldn’t sell as well. And yet, I don’t care about the book. What I do care about is how menfolk think and act, largely because I am surrounded by them here at home and on the soccer field.
Case in point: When I arrived at the indoor soccer field to coach my boys’ team this weekend, one male child proceeded to tell me about the shenanigans in the men’s room before my arrival, regaling me with stories of, let’s say, what men accomplish in there, odoriferously speaking. I noticed that he didn’t offer this story to any of the other mothers — just me — and I thought, He doesn’t realize I’m not one of them. I have finally infultrated them.
For decades, I have been fascinated by how males think. From back in high school, when I was the only girl playing street hockey with my brother and his friends, until now, as the only female coach of a soccer team of middle school boys, I love how the male species thinks because it’s so simple.
Now before you hit “Comment” and rail about stereotypes and cheeseburgers, by “simple” I mean “uncomplicated.” Boys and men — generally speaking of course — lack the tangled web of Queen Bee politics and “she said that she said” crap that can take down friendships as fast as it takes to send a text message.
Rather, boys and men are generally so Point A to Point B that they lack the kind of drama that leaves a mark. The Y chromosome is not responsible for adding “frenemies” to the dictionary, and men sure don’t rule social networking.
If one guy doesn’t like another guy, he tells him, or he hits him, and then it’s over. He doesn’t talk about the other guy behind his back, or pretend to be his friend and then systematically exclude him from social gatherings. When it’s over, it’s over. Except, of course, when they’re big boys with weapons and turf battles. But even then it’s so clear-cut: “I want to kill you.” Men lack nuance. And oh, how I love that.
When I’m home with my three males, I don’t have to turn on my Subtext Filter to figure out what they really mean. They say what they really mean, if they say anything at all. They think like men, and act like them, too. How refreshing.
That’s not to say I’d want to be a man, largely because I like nothing more than being a mother. Also, women’s friendships, when done right, are hard to beat for their support and yes, even their subtext. My women friends “get” me. My menfolk need me. After all these years, I’ve got the best of both worlds. I can already act like a lady and think like a man — and I’m thinking I’d like a cheeseburger for lunch.
Tell us: Surrounded by boys? Got a gaggle of girls? What do you think about acting like a lady and thinking like a man?
I have 2 sons (ages 12 and 10), 3 stepsons (ages 26, 23, and 20) and 2 step-granddaughters (ages 7 and 2). The girls are a completely different species than the boys were. I’m the one that taught my boys (the 12 and 10 year olds) how to belch on command, play sports (soccer, throw a football, volleyball, baseball, etc), do laundry, cook, and clean (it’s not their dad’s fault, with the work schedules he’s been stuck with, he’s lucky to be home while they’re awake 18 hours a week). I’m sure it helps that I was always a tomboy growing up, genders were never a big deal between us cousins and my grandfather always thought that girls should know how to do everything boys can do (the joke around here is that the power tools all have pink handles LOL).
I think boys are easier in that so long as it’s relatively clean, isn’t covered with whatever’s “too babyish”, and isn’t “too geeky” they’re good on clothing. I’ve seen what they have out there for little girls in the way of clothing, toys and accessories… I think that Pink’s song “Stupid Girls” pretty much sums up what role society is trying to throw young girls into… while boys are still left with the freedom to become what they want… whether it’s a sports star, politician, lawyer, etc.
I will also say that there also seems to be less drama among boys. They have a problem with each other then they get in each other’s face about it. Girls can be highly manipulative and sneaky when it comes to how they bully each other. Give me boys any day.
To be honest, when my daughter was born, my husband and I both look at each other, mere seconds from the “It’s a girl” and said “Well, what the …. are we going to do now?”
We first had our son who is a complete and utter rough and tumble boy and well, I cant put makeup on to save my life. As it is, my closet is full of tshirts with Geeky words on them, I own 1 pair of jeans and 1 pair of shoes. (I always tell people, that in High school when all the other girls took a “How to be a girl” class, I turned it down for another academic class).
We were both scared to death we would get the “princessy” girl that we would probably kill. (No offense to princess moms out there, but the I am a Princess thing gets under my skin)
Instead, 3 years later, I got a little tom boy. Happy to only have her pigtails (since thats all I can do besides a ponytail), wears Jeans and Tshirts and sweatshirts all day, star wars loving, little mommy who wants to try and take care of me. And the best part of all, She cant stand pink or princesses (Both get a “Yuck I dont like those”).
And while she has her “girlier” moments, (fairies (But not Tinkerbell), cooking, cabbage patch dolls), things like her running around with her own light saber wearing a furry blue tail makes up for it (Did I mention she has a cloak too?)
If this is what it means to think like a guy, Great, I am already there. Not so sure I act the lady part tho. (Normally, when someone calls me that, I Turn in a circle asking where she is.). But a world with less subtext and less drama and more “Just get to the point already sounds better all the time.
I’ve got two daughters and no sons, so there is PLENTY of girl-stuff going around at our house.
I love having girls and the sisters thing is interesting (both my husband and I only have brothers), but boy do I work harder from about 10-11pm many nights, a time I call “True Confessions” time. That’s when one or both of my girls (ages 12 and 9) are lying awake thinking about their latest problem and feel they want to tell me all about it.
I love that they talk to me. I love to be there for them. But then I go into my room to try to fall asleep, and I end up thinking about their dramas!
Meanwhile my husband is asleep, blissfully unaware.
As for “act like a lady but think like a man”, it doesn’t resonate with me. Perhaps I know too many ladylike men and swaggering ladies?
Be kind. Think before you act. Own how you feel and what you do. These are some of the concepts I try to get across to my kids (and remind myself about!)
Nice post!
I am surrounded by boys. I honestly wouldn’t know what to do with little bundles of female hormones running around my house. Whenever I was asked if I was going to “try for a girl”, I told people that apparently God knew there was already enough estrogen in the house with me. And now that my friends have near teenage daughters, I’m glad I have boys.
I don’t need to think like a man, and I don’t see why acting like a lady needs to preclude being able to be straightforward, honest and drama free. But maybe that means I already think like a man and act like one too, even though I look like a lady? Who knows. I think I’m just going to be happy being me, whatever that means.
I have four sons and three daughters, so I occasionally get the question: “which are harder to raise?” And I have to say, I have come to the conclusion that you have. Boys are much more straightforward in their interactions. Girls have a lot of subtext and subsequent drama.
Which is why, although I love my girls and wouldn’t trade them for anything, I would have to say interacting with boys is easier.
And cheesier. Burgers….yum.
I have two girls, and so my husband is outnumbered! Even though he sometimes gets angry about the “dumb dad” stereotypes out there, I think he would agree with you that men are uncomplicated, especially socially. Women have a lot more drama in their friendships!