That’s according to the new Evenflo® “Savvy Parents Survey,” designed to measure the differences between men’s and women’s parenting perceptions. Evenflo reports, “Of new parents, 47% of moms say they have less sex now than before they had kids, as compared with only 20% of dads.”
Where to start? Either Daddy is getting some on the side or he’s too embarrassed to admit in an online survey of 500 parents over age 18 with kids under 18 months-old that perhaps Mommy doesn’t want him to touch her after being attacked by small children who hang on her leg, sneeze on her shoulder, tug at her earrings and maul her breasts.
In other words, I don’t believe Daddy. But I do believe that Evenflo has touched on something that no one tells you: Daddy’s parenting experience is often different than Mommy’s. And here’s the hardest part for Mommy: It’s different, not necessarily wrong. Take for instance the survey’s report about parents’ perceptions of playdates:
- 73% of moms but only 30% of dads say the most annoying thing about playdates with other parents’ kids is when the other child misbehaves and his/her parent does nothing.
I would venture to say that’s because A. Dads are probably more likely to do something about another child misbehaving rather than stewing about it and then complaining on Facebook later and B. Moms are more likely to be present at playdates anyhow.
Whether we’re home with the baby full-time or we’re working outside the home, we mothers simply have a different experience in parenting than fathers generally do. And sometimes, that really pisses us off. Here’s what I wrote in “Stop Second-Guessing Yourself — Baby’s First Year“:
I’ve witnessed too many mothers, especially new ones, dismiss their husbands as useless clods who just don’t understand how to do anything right. It’s as though they expect the fathers to mother.
But fathers don’t mother. They father, and that’s often different than being the Mommy, no matter who’s working, who’s home and whose turn it is to change the diapers. Like I wrote:
He’s not you. And just like he probably doesn’t drive or eat or watch TV the same way you do, it’s likely he won’t parent like you. The sooner you let him be the daddy he wants to be, the better for everyone.
As long as safety isn’t an issue, let him be the Daddy. Let him make his own mistakes. Let him forget to take the pacifier when he goes out with the baby. Believe me, he’ll remember it next time. Let him play with the baby instead of reading to him or her like you would have. Let him carry the baby through the Home Depot instead of pulling out the stroller. (Maybe he likes the exercise? The drool on his neck? Showing off his offspring.)
But by all means, do find out where he’s having all that sex. I mean, really.
Share, share, that’s fair: Okay, dish. What does Daddy do that drives you nuts?