Just the check, please.
Back when I was a full-time at-home mom, people would sometimes ask, “What do you do all day?” It was meant to be either innocently inquisitive or incredibly insulting, as though staying home with two children under three was some sort of vacation from “real jobs” involving unsticking the copier and raiding the leftover danishes in the conference room.
My answer was always the same: “I undo everything my kids have done.”
You know, putting away the 143 Matchbox cars snaked across the kitchen floor for a game called “Thanksgiving Traffic Jam.” Wiping peanut butter off the cat’s tail. Fishing the remote out of the toilet. Retrieving my bookmarks from behind the heaters.
Predictably, I was then warned to enjoy my kids while they were little, because, as conventional wisdom dictated, my little cherubs would soon enough turn to surly, sullen teens with chips on their shoulders and pot in their pockets. And then I’d be begging to go back to wrestling car seats and pulling what appears to be graham crackers out of the DVD player. Especially in the summertime.
Guess what though? They lied.
Or at least, they left out a part, because my kids not only aren’t surly, they’re actually helpful. That’s right: My middle schoolers have worked with me instead of against me ever since they got out of school three weeks ago.
There’s nothing to undo when they put away their own laundry and dishes. There’s nothing to fix when they make their own lunches. There’s nothing to lug, wrangle, scrub. And with no activities lined up for them until later this month, there’s nowhere to carpool either.
I was in the middle of producing a video on Tuesday when my office door swung open, and my soon-to-be sixth grader appeared with a grilled cheese sandwich — with ham — that he’d made for me, a glass of cold water and a brownie.
“Who are you, and what have you done with the little boy who used to stash Legos in his diaper?” I asked.
A few hours later, I emerged from my (air-conditionless) office to go check on the laundry, only to discover that my 13-year-old had put away the pile of clean clothes I’d left on his bed.
“Do I need to scan your brain for a computer chip? Are you one of those suburban spies?” I asked my elder child. But he was busy drawing quietly at his desk.
How come nobody told me about this? Why did no one ever say, “Hey, you might have holes in your pants from repeatedly dropping to your knees to retrieve crawling babies from under the couch now, but one day, your kids will be a joy to live with”?
Why didn’t anyone say, “Look, I know you’re exhausted from being on call every single second of the day now, but in 10 years, your children will help you carry the groceries in, sweep the floor and remind you when the next World Cup game kicks off”?
Why did they try to sell me on the idea that bigger kids are guaranteed bigger problems?
That’s not to say that there haven’t been wrestling matches over the Wii, located in the room over my head. Or that I haven’t yelled, “Knock it off!” at least once a day since school let out in June. Or that I didn’t just hear the soccer ball WHACK against my office window. Plus it’s true: I have gotten more stupid since my son turned 13 in March. It’s measured in his eye rolls.
But man, er, Mom, I’ll take that anyday over the daily deal with the Devil to get the kids to nap at the same time pleeeeeeease-just-for-a-half-hour-I-beg-you. Give me the “Your music is too loud, Mom” over “Veggie Tales again!” I’ll take yet another Mythbusters episode over anything with Elmo in it. I want the bounce-bounce-bounce of the soccer ball out back instead of the stop-dropping-your-bowl-no-bad-boy!
Give me middle school or give me, well, not death…but sometimes, it sure felt like a part of my soul was gasping for air back when my kids were little. And all the dire warnings of what was to come made me fear that it would shrivel up altogether as soon as puberty hit the house.
So here’s my new promise: I will enjoy my kids while they’re not little. In fact, that’s what I do all day.
SPEAK UP! I can’t hear you. Tell us what you love, hate, fear, look forward to about your kids at any age. We want to hear from you!
Even more, they are fantastic with a video camera, too:
I completely agree! I have two boys as well (soon to be seventh and fourth graders) and they are both a joy to have around most of the time. And helpful to boot. I feel extremely lucky that things have turned out this way, and we’ll see what happens when the older one turns 13, but I fully expect him to remain a pleasant and decent child. I am looking forward to many years of good conversations and fun with them.
Jen,
I am bawling. Seriously. The Hubs is getting a vasectomy next month, and I have been really upset about this phase of my life being over. Thank you so much for giving me some much needed perspective that life does indeed keep getting better and that my best years with my kids aren’t close to over. Okay, I’m going to TRY to stop crying now.
xo
Robin
I have been a working mom and a stay at home so I know that stay at home moms don’t have it easy.
That is awesome and nice to have kids who are helpful. It is nice to see how they mature as well as they get older. It shows the difference between the ones that do not drive their parents nuts and the ones that do. Your son is such a sweetie making you lunch, what a really great kid. And the older one doing the laundry without being told? What great kids you have!
My son is ten and he amazes me everyday and I know that is the part everyone forgot to mention, how helpful, loving, kind and sweet they become. Of course, it does not mean that they still aren’t kids. The wrestling, the fighting, the eye rolling, teasing – that is what childhood is about.
Having a toddler at home and a ten year old, I can feel the difference between the two. Often times, it is the toddler driving insane. I don’t miss those days with my older one and I won’t miss them when my toddler is older either.
Oh Robin. I never meant this one to make anyone cry!
Seriously, I am loving my kids’ ages right now. I watch the Daily Show with my 13-year-old and I coach my 11-year-old’s soccer team. I think these are our best years yet, and I’m having a ball. And not just a soccer ball.
You will, too.
Love,
Jen
Oh do I ever hear you! After an aggressive eater that wouldn’t sleep through the night followed 2 years later by Mr. Colicky (who would sleep while his 2 year old brother was tearing through the house and the 2 year old would sleep when the younger was screaming at night!) I am OVER THE MOON now that they’re 12 and 10! They’re also the youngest of FIVE boys (oldest 3 came by marriage, they’re all grown up and out on their own!) so there’s a light at the end of the tunnel and it’s NOT a train
They’re polite, helpful, good cooks, and a real pleasure to be around. Just 8 more years until I’m kid free!!!!
I have 2 girls, ages almost 11 and 12 1/2. I have been a stay home mom for about 10 years and I loved it….but things are different now…..read on…..It’s kinda cool that we can talk about fashion, sports, movies, books and so many other things together now. We can swap jewelry and sometimes shoes! They ask me stuff like “before you met dad, who did you date?” So, most of the time it’s fun…don’t get me wrong though, I DO miss the days where we just blew bubbles together or baked cookies…or when I read books to them, one after another.
What I fear is the REAL teenage years of dating, driving, drinking (no!)….so fasten your seatbelts….and enjoy the ride! That’s what I plan on doing.
These years are some of the best ever! My 14-year-old son is a true joy to be with –our family shares the same twisted sense of humor, we also enjoy watching The Daily Show and The Colbert Report together and it’s a blast to watch how he grows creatively with his art (and always a bit surprising as he grows taller and taller every day.) And he tells us he loves us at least once a day — often just out of the blue.
Forget about sleep, though. A house full of friends and sleepovers all summer has meant many nights where the kids are up till dawn and the parents perform as zombies the rest of the day. Kind of a throwback to old times. Still, such a good time in life to savor.
You aren’t kidding. My boys have always been pretty good… when the aggression started we signed them up for sports but the huge change came when their older brother moved out and they each had their own bedrooms… their own space to be themselves and get away from each other, even if it’s just across the hall. We do still have the occasional battle of “get out of my room!” and “stop throwing your crap in my room!” when they’re supposed to be cleaning their bedrooms but the funniest thing is that even though they now have their own space, they actually spend MORE time together, but it’s of their own choosing. Now at nearly 13 (13 next week) and 10 1/2 it’s nice to see hints of who they’ll be later on in their lives.
Do I miss those baby days? Sometimes… then I look at pictures from when they were babies… and realize just how many of the youngest are from the middle of the night… when he wouldn’t sleep…. and just as he would FINALLY settle down (colic! AUGH!) his brother, then 2, would be up for the day…. There are even some of the boys when they’re both bright eyed and bushy tailed in the late afternoon and there I am, exhausted and unsure if I even had a chance for a shower that day. If that’s not enough to cure the “baby bug”, I call up my oldest stepson and arrange to have his two little girls (ages 7 and 2) spend a couple of days with us….