May 6, 2010
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Posted in Momma Said, Momma Said Video | Tagged motherhood, video | Leave a response
Love the video, Jen! And it’s so true! Gosh, I think we all just need to chill out a little!!! That’s my opinion anyway.
I can’t watch this video without crying, and I’ve seen it about 5+ times now. As a mom who has sat back and told herself “This standard of what I thought was a good mom…I just can’t do it. It’s not possible,” I have to say thank you for articulating this so simply and beautifully. Thank you.
Totally agree. …and it’s not clear why.
Good point, Jenna. I remember rolling around untethered in the back of my mother’s station wagon while my brother did a magic show for the driver of the Mack truck behind us.
But our generation tends to take the research and the interviewing so far beyond what they need to do. I think there’s a balance that we have lost, along with our ability to trust our own guts. We second-guess every little thing to the point of obsession, and it’s not healthy.
I wrote “You’re a Good Mom (and Your Kids Aren’t So Bad Either)” with this in mind. We don’t want to be helicopter moms, but giving up completely and, as you say, letting our kids play with unsafe toys, etc., isn’t good for our kids either. There’s a soft spot in between, and I believe that trusting our own guts is the first step to finding that spot.
Thanks for the great thoughts, especially the last sentence: “I think it’s important to learn from their successes AND their mistakes and take advantage of the tools we have available to do better for our kids.” Very, very true.
I don’t know, Jen… I don’t think it’s that simple at all. Some moms have good gut instincts and some don’t. And there’s a lot of value in research and listening to others’ experiences rather than just doing whatever you “feel” is right for your kids. I feel empowered when I can read and learn about how to make better decisions for my daughter. Of course, I think there’s a place for both– I have a much better sense of how to communicate with my daughter than anyone else, but when I’m going out to buy bath products or sunscreen for my daughter, I don’t want to trust my “instincts” on which ones are safe and which ones contain harmful chemicals.
The other problem I have with the idea of “our mothers did just fine” is that… well, our mothers DIDN’T do just fine. They smoked during pregnancy and let us be around second-hand smoke during childhood, they let us play with unsafe toys, they fed us McDonald’s, they taught us that “boys will be boys” was a fine excuse for bullying, they reared kids who wound up on drugs or picking up STDs or littering the neighborhood with graffiti, etc. Some moms did fine. Some didn’t. I think it’s important to learn from their successes AND their mistakes and take advantage of the tools we have available to do better for our kids.
Great Message! Thanks Jen :o)
What a wonderful video. Can it be that simple? Yup. But you have to learn how to tune out the world (which is way too noisy and opinionated, IMO)!
Great video, Jen, and great message!
awesome video! so true.
I use Pinnacle Studio for the PC, and I buy the photos from iStock Photo and the music from Audio Jungle. It takes me a day to put it together.
Thanks for watching, everyone. I hope you’ll pass it along to your mom friends who need this message.
Jen, I loved this video! I’m hoping you’ll write a post explaining how you put it all together…or give a class on it! I agree with Lana, times have changed a ton. I think the past few years have brought about many so-called experts, not to mention healthy does of mom-petition, as women suddenly started to compare themselves with others. In the past women seemed to bond together about child-rearing, a community practice that was a group effort. There was nothing to compete about since all the other women stayed home, raised the kids, and had very little just like you. These days women and moms seem to view each other with judgemental, covetous eyes…wanting to make sure they are more “perfect” than the next mom. I have my moments too. But 90% of the time I’m happy being mediocre. It’s so much less stressful!
You are correct. Parenting has changed so much – research studies, the world being different, and for so many other reasons. I have a preteen at home and I do not have to tell you about the preteen years – you are there as well. Sometimes, I think my toddler is much easier. This morning I told the preteen that I am still afraid of my mother while he is bad mouthing me for telling him was wearing pants today and not shorts. To this day, I stand up straight when my mother walks in the room. I am not sure whether it is society’s expectations who should worry about or the scary world out there. Whatever it is – it is complex.
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I’m Jen Singer, the mother of boys who talk to her through the bathroom door.
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