Thanks to Angela Johnson of Mission Viejo, Calfornia, for this story:
Angela and her son Eli, 4, were visiting a snack bar at a baseball field. Eli asked the mom running the grill if he could have a hot dog. The mom studied the grill and said, “Sure Eli. There’s one right here with your
name on it.”
As Eli and Angela walked away, he slowly turned his hot dog around and around on the bun. Angela asked him what was wrong. He looked at me and whispered, “Mrs. Heppert gave me the wrong one. My name’s not on here!”
Thanks to Amanda Chase of Albuquerque, New Mexico, for this story:
When Amanda brought her premature newborn home from the hospital, her two-year-old daughter noticed how tiny he was, and started to count his fingers and toes.
Then she ran to her room to get her favorite baby doll, which she laid next to her tiny brother. She proceeded to compare the eyes, nose, mouth, etc., as if she were taking inventory of all his parts. When she got to his, uh, you know, she shouted, “Uh oh, Mommy!”
Better call the doctor, huh Amanda? He’s got an extra part!
All That Glitters
Thanks to Laura of Huntington Beach, California, for this story:
Her daughter Ryann, would be will be picking up “litter” around the school for her next Daisy Troop’s meeting.
But Ryann informed Laura, she wouldn’t be attending the next meeting. When Laura asked why not, Ryann answered, “There is no way I’m going to pick up all the ‘glitter’ on the kindergarten playground. It’s all over the place, we will be there all night.”
Apparently her class had done an art project outside that day and used quite a bit of glitter, and she thought that they needed to clean it up.
Thanks to Shoshona Friedman of Chicago, Illinois, for this story, in her own words:
“While Kivi (age 3) was at school this morning, the heating guy came to check something in our heater. He had to move the kids’ toy kitchen and I didn’t bother moving it back. When Kivi came home from school and went into the den, he immediately said, ‘Who moved my kitchen?’
I told him the heating man did.
‘What color was his shirt and shoes?’ Kivi demanded.”
Kivi put an APB out on the guy and is trying to find out if he has any indentifying marks.
Hello in There!
Thanks to Marcien Gay of St. Malo, Manitoba, Canada, for this story:
When Marcien was pregnant with her daughter, her son Wesley, then 4, and we live in anted to feel the baby kick. Marcien told him that the baby was sleeping at the moment.
He opened her mouth and yelled, “Baby, wake up!”
Thanks to Penelope Kim of Seoul, South Korea, for this story:
When they lived in the U.S., Penelope had taught her sons that heir private parts are called, “kochu,” which is the Korean word for ed and green hot peppers, and also used as standard slang for that body part.
After an unexpected move to South Korea, her son, Colin, was four, joined her at a welcoming lunch for the family. Colin was sitting next to his newly-met uncle, who was eating from a dish of peppers with dipping sauce. Colin asked what he was eating, and his uncle told him they were “kochu.”
Colin’s eyes grew very wide and he fell silent. Quickly realizing what must be going through his head, Penelope jumped in in English to clear things up. Phew!
Thanks to Erin Bundesen of Galion, Ohio, for this story:
One day, Erin told her sons, then ages 2 and 4, that they’d have to clean their rooms before they could go to their great grandparents house across town.
Erin’s toddler, Thomas, walked into his room, took a look around, and came back out. He looked at his big brother and said, “I guess we aren’t going to Grannie’s house today.”
One of Those Days
Thanks to Deb Koehler of Yardley, Pennsylvania, for this story:
Deb had “one of those days” a few Fridays ago with her 2 1/2 year old, Corinne.
Here’s a brief run-down of her day:
- After an allergy shot for Deb, they went grocery shopping.
- Corinne sat nicely in the shopping cart for about 30 seconds.
- Deb let her toddler out of the cart because she didn’t to rush her to the
hospital for the concussion and broken neck she would’ve gotten trying to climb
out of the cart while Deb was pushing it.
- Corinne walked down the aisle with her arm extended, knocking things off the
shelves as she went along, all the while thinking it was very funny.
- Deb didn’t think it was funny at all.
- Corinne ran when Deb chased after her.
- Deb abandoned her cart to continue the chase.
- Old ladies in the store didn’t think it was funny at all.
- Deb finally corralled her daughter and finished shopping, leaving behind the
remnants of the donut she bribed her with in the checkout aisle.
- At home, Deb tried to tidy up before friends came over for dinner.
- Corinne tried to tidy up, too, after barricading herself in her room to fill
her diaper — and change it herself.
- Deb found her spread-eagle on the mat with poop on her foot, her leg, and one
(confirmed) spot on the floor.
- Deb found the dirty diaper, wiped her toddler, spread Purell all over her,
cleaned the carpet and sprayed the entire room with Lysol for good measure.
- After a little break, Deb walked to the trash can in the next room.
- When she returned, she found Corinne’s sippy cup plopped into her glass of
water, causing it to overflow onto the end table and the carpet.
- After her friends arrived, Deb and her girlfriend drank wine while the guys
took care of the kids.
I like a story with a happy ending.
Share, share, that’s fair: What funny things have your kids done (and said)?