One response to “LIVING IN SPLITSVILLE: Who Was Bringing Up Two Very Lovely Girls”

  1. Tay

    For 15 years, I stayed in a marriage doomed from the start. Failing to do my homework beforehand, I went through with it in spite of friend’s vocal doubts. I married a man who didn’t know the meaning of the word “work ethic.” Although he had promised me the life of a stay at home Mom, it soon became clear he had married me because I had a good corporate job with great benefits. His version of going to work included tee times at the local golf course, seeing the latest blockbuster movie and closing a real estate deal when his funds ran low. Within 2 short years, we had two wonderful boys. The marriage had ended however during my second pregnancy. I resented the fact he refused to become gainfully employed.

    Our boys grew up with two parents residing under the same roof who never did anything together: eating dinner together, dining out, church, going to friends, etc. I could count on one hand the number of times their father and I rode in the same car together during 15 years. When the boys played Little League and other sports, we both attended their games sitting as far away from each other as possible. I was frequently asked by other parents if we were divorced.

    After borrowing money from my parents and getting them to buy me a car, it finally dawned on me that I was going to have to go back to work if I wanted to support my children and myself. When my income generated tax liability, my ex-spouse informed me that he would no longer file joint income tax returns with me. To this day, I continue making monthly IRS payments after being forced to file “married filing separately.”

    After 15 years, we finally filed for divorce. Within weeks of filing, I lost my job. A job that had required me to travel 3 to 4 days a week and supported the boys and me for the duration of this “marriage.” I had not been able to save anything during this 15 years of hell and when my first round of unemployment ran out, my lawyer withdrew from my case. Before doing so, he informed me that my ex-spouse had never put our home (it was his separate property before we married) in my name. Without an attorney, no discovery was filed and I ended up in court representing myself. Big mistake!

    Since my former attorney had never filed the necessary documentation showing my destitute financial position, I was not allowed to prove my interest in the home equity during trial. And because I had no job, the Judge decided to allow the boys to remain in the “family” home and gave me 30 days to move out. He ordered me to pay child support and gave me 90 days to find a job.

    For two years, I have been living in near poverty. Aftet the divorce, I was forced to find a one-bedroom place where my children, now teenagers, have no desire to spend any length of time. Teenagers need their own space and privacy something I am unable to provide for them until I can find a job. Be glad that you have the 50/50 arrangement you have. Recently, I was served court papers. Seems my ex-spouse needs more child support aka an additional income stream. This came on the heals of my unemployment being reduced by $1,000 a month due to earnings from part-time and temp employment being significantly lower than what I had originally made.

    Hug your children every day. That’s something I am unable to do.

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