The Idiot's Guide to Sick Days

Here’s an important lesson I learned this weekend: When you have a cold, do not go coach four soccer games unless you can do so silently. And that’s impossible for most coaches, especially me. I yelled, I cheered, I shouted, I blew my nose. I am an idiot.

But you see, once you’ve had cancer, a little cold hardly seems like something that should sideline you… well I was on the sidelines, but you know what I mean. A cold is no big deal, and yet, I know that in the grand scheme of things, neither was our soccer tournament. So I had no grand illusions of how important it was for me to be there. We had two other coaches there, after all.

Rather, it hardly seemed necessary to stay home for some sniffles having previously defeated a tumor the size of a softball in my chest. But my body said otherwise and today, when the cold moved into my chest and added some chills for effect, I finally gave in and sat around on the couch all morning watching TV. Here’s what I learned:

1. They still play “What Not to Wear” at noon on weekdays, just like they did two years ago, and yet I had not seen this show from 2004 which reiterated the show’s theme that you should wear clothes that fit your body and, for the love of God, get a bra that fits.

2. There’s a very special Jon & Kate or Jon Minus Kate… whatever… coming up soon so don’t miss it because Jon’s lawsuit is taking the whole show down. (Well, that part wasn’t in the promo, but I know that’s the deal from the gossip shows.)

3. I TiVo more shows than I can possibly watch, except on a sick day. “Police Women of Broward County”  and Jon Stewart, thank you for a lovely afternoon.

4. Sick days fly by quickly even though you’re not doing  anything remotely productive except finishing off the crackers and emptying the Tivo queue.

UPDATE: I thought I had posted this yesterday, but apparently I sneezed after the last few words and gave up.

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