There were little balls of Play-Doh, a random handful of teeny little vacuum-unfriendly Legos and a pile of papers from fourth grade. I threw them all out, along with a giant piece of poster board with a hastily drawn soccer field that had a hole in its penalty box, and a fuzzy, unmatched black sock. And then, in the middle of the Great Bedroom Cleanout While the Kids Are at Grandma’s this past weekend, I stopped on these:
Impressive, right? Except the vast majority of these trophies aren’t really trophies at all. Every kid in the league got one. Swim trophies. Basketball trophies. Soccer trophies. Even a trophy for being “Jake’s Awesome Friend!” which, in the age of Facebook “Friends,” could spell a boon for trophy shops.
In other words, they’re a bunch of awards for just showing up.
I didn’t like them when he got them, and I pretty much hate them now. To me, it’s a big shelf of “You’re special, just like everybody else.” And that’s what’s wrong with raising kids in the 21st century. If you don’t have to earn your accolades, then what? What happens when you grow up and you don’t get a medal for attending a conference or going through job training?
I found out last night, when some friends who were here for dinner were lamenting the sense of entitlement among some fresh-out-of-college hires at their companies. They felt that these products of the first Trophies for Everyone generation all too often aren’t willing to pay their dues. They want the corner office, and they want it now.
Well, of course they do, because they, too, have a shelf full of trophies for being Jake’s Awesome Friend and for playing six basketball games back in second grade. Why shouldn’t they be lauded for showing up every day for work?
I have long told my kids that I dislike these rewards designed to pat them on the back simply for doing what they signed up to do. You might as well give out goody bags at the end of the season. Same sentiment.
But they seem to know the difference. I hope. Of the oodles of trophies in my son’s room just two of them were actually earned: a second place soccer trophy (for losing to an undefeated team by just two goals) and this honkin’ big thing:
A first place trophy for being the winningest team in boys’ “minor league” rec baseball three years ago. And he earned it. Well how about that?
I’m going to suggest to my son that we put away all the medals and trophies except for the ones he truly earned. If he agrees, then I’ve done my job. If he doesn’t, then I’ve got a lot of undoing to do before he applies for his first job, don’t I? Because when “everybody wins,” nobody does.
I refused to pay the $6.00 for a ‘just for showing up’ trophy. My son’s soccer team lost every single game and most didn’t ‘show up’.
I was shocked when my son’s soccer coaches presented him with an engraved trophy out of their own pocket. They said how much they appreciated his enthusiam every week, how he always believed THIS was the week they’d win. He’d made their volunteered coaching time worthwhile.
He only has three trophies – everyone of them actually ‘earned’, but that’s the one I’m most proud of.
He has had some terrible set backs in his life, but he always believes he’s going to win….
“If he agrees, then I’ve done my job. If he doesn’t, then I’ve got a lot of undoing to do before he applies for his first job, don’t I?”
That about sums it up, doesn’t it. Regardless of if he’d gotten the trophies for winning or showing up, it’s up to you as a parent to guide your son in how it affects him. Abrogating your responsibility because someone else gave him a trophy shows how your generation typically responds: it’s not MY fault!
And, what’s wrong with Gen-Ys wanting and expecting everything now? Your generation is happy to put on the suits and take whatever is doled out to you. This new generation actually has the balls to stand up and say “I’m not putting up with the same s–t my father did. You’re going to treat me as an individual and with some respect or I’m done.” The fact is, Gen-Y is the future. Businesses can choose to take this attitude as cocky, or take it for what it is: a cry of individualism and the end of the Mr. Scrooge mentality of management.
I am an “old mom” of young girls. (I had one at 40 and the other at 42) so when they started playing sports I was surprised by this practice of trophies for all. Actually my first thought was “what a waste of money”. I told my girls that trophies are something you earn. Just like grades in school, be it an A or an F you earned which ever grade you got. Jen you are a wise woman and I am glad I found this website.
I couldn’t agree more! In a world where every child gets a trophy, popular sentiment has veered so far in the direction of equality, that it often fails to recognize the merit of individual achievement. Fairness exists not in treating every child as an equal; but rather praising each child’s achievements.
SO TRUE. I have always hated the trophies that reward folks for doing, well, what they’re supposed to do. I can understand the importance of building up a child’s self confidence but by giving them trophies or other rewards without earning it is detrimental. Why work hard if everyone gets a reward anyway?
Yes, yes and YES.
RIGHT ON! After all, if “You’re special–just like everybody else” then that defies the meaning of the word. Last year, I made a tough choice to remove my boys from a “everybody wins” soccer league. It was hard at the time and I took TONS of flack from other “moms” about denying my kids the opportunity to just be a kids. However, I’m glad that I stuck to my guns…because I wonder if those “moms” will need stock in trophy/award companies to supply their kids with motivation for the rest of their lives! LOL