10 Signs You've Been Spending Too Much Time in Doctors' Offices

After suffering an eye injury at his soccer game on Sunday, my son has been home recuperating. When he’s not home, he’s in the back of my car, wearing my sunglasses to protect his eye, dozing off en route to yet another appointment with the ophthalmologist, a word I no longer need to spell check.

Chances are, you’ve done the same thing only perhaps with pediatricians, physical therapists and/or whoever removes casts from broken limbs. Here’s how you know you’ve spent too much time in doctors’ offices:

  1. You’ve memorized the random letters and numbers that make up your insurance ID.
  2. You’ve read every issue of Parents, Oprah and Time from the past three months. Also, Highlights and Scouting.
  3. All the nurses know you by your first name.
  4. As a result, you’re taking extra care not to wear the same shirt — pretty much the only one without peanut butter on it — every time you go to the doctor’s office like you normally would.
  5. You can recite the doctor’s office hours from memory. Also, what time Dora is on TV and which pharmacies near your house are open 24 hours.
  6. You keep a wad of twenties in your purse for co-pays — and to purchase various plastic toys from Target on your way home.
  7. You’ve started to believe that ice cream is part of the 4 major food groups because it makes everyone (including you) feel so much better.
  8. You can accurately measure a teaspoon of medicine in near darkness in the middle of the night.
  9. The doctor’s phone number is now on speed dial, just above your parents and the school.
  10. Speaking of the school, you forgot to call your kid in sick this morning — again. Don’t worry, though. The nurse will call you — again.

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